On negotiating

Notes from video How to improve negotiation skills:

1. Positions vs Interests

   • Focus on interests instead of positions. Ask “Why?”. Why does a person want something so strongly.
   • Show care by be understanding the other person.
   • Be open, talk openly. This applies to both sides.

2. Use fair standards

   • Unbiased rules which don’t include personal outlooks.
   • Avoids conflict and arguments.

3. Invent options for mutual gain

   • All involved parties might not need the exact outcome.
     • Definition of success might be different for all.
     • Differences aren’t always a bad thing; might lead to creative outcomes where all parties are content.
   • Separate brainstorming from selection.

4. Separate the people from the problem

   • Person first - negotiators are people-first.
   • Be soft on the person, hard on the problem.
     • Don’t harm the relationship.
       • Pay attention to what you want.
       • Do not hurt egos - yours or others’.
     • Complement and appreciate effort.
   • Informal interactions beforehand help.

5. Not everything goes well - other side might not play by fair rules

6. Use of dirty/pressure tactics

   • Call out directly, remembering the above 4 skills

7. Other side has big guns (more power over you than other way around Eg. interviewing with no job offers vs 2 job offers)

   • Recognize B.A.T.N.A - Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement
   • The difference is power

8. Personal attacks

   • Use Negotiation Jujitsu - side step their attacks, ask “Why?”.
   • Ask for their advice.
   • Invite criticism instead of defending their ideas.

9. Lastly, asking “Who’s winning” in a negotiation is like asking it in a marriage. If you find yourself with it, you’ve missed the point.